“This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you: God is light; in Him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with Him yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not live by the truth. But if we walk in the light, as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, purifies us from all sin.”
1 John 1:5 – 7 NIV
Normally, when I read this verse, I start singing DC Talk’s song “In the Light” in my head. But the past couple weeks as I’ve been reading & meditating on my assigned chapters, I’ve felt more conviction than normal as I read.
You see, I feel like I have my “outside my home” self that I want everyone else to see. You know, the “perfect” mother-of-five side, where I am loving and caring at all times. Always encouraging, never demeaning. Then there’s the “at home with my hair down” self, where the stress of everyday life seems to get to me more, causing a lash out at whichever child is currently in my radar. Words that do not encourage, words that focus on negativity.
During those times that I lose my patience, I feel guilt about what I’ve said, and how it has impacted my child, but sadly, I have to say, I usually do not think about how it has impacted my relationship with God. I do not acknowledge it as a sin.
As I was reading another book last week, be last, by Jeremy Kingsley, I came across a statement that caused me to do some deep thinking. “When you sin, are you torn up or unsettled until you get things ironed out with God? Are you sad that you have hurt the One you love? If so, that reaction is a sign of healthy relationship with Christ.” pg. 146
That statement combined with 1 John 1 really got me thinking. In my “outside my home” self it seems to others that I am “walking in the light”, but would they think the same if they saw me in the midst of a crazy homeschooling week. Also, when I strike out in anger with my words, not only am I impacting my child, but also my Lord. My sinful words were part of the lashes on His back that He endured at Calvary.
Thankfully the chapter goes on and I come to a verse I’ve known since childhood. 1 John 1:9
“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”
Thank you Father for being my Light. Thank you for your endless forgiveness to me, the sinner. Help me to walk in the light with You, to rely on You to help me through those tough parenting moments and to make things right with You ASAP when I do fall prey to this sinful nature inside me.
– Beckie (look2thehills)