Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. Psalm 139:23
Somehow the thoughts that were just background noise come to the forefront and taunt me to tears. Things I try to shrink and make of little consequence, they loom and hover for days and I wonder, “Why did you make me this way, Lord?” Wishing I could sit with him in the car outside of the grocery store and ask the questions that won’t let go of me, so I can get answers.
Today, my mind still unquiet. Pouring over scripture, I have to wonder, was my faith misplaced in wooden hands? My success markers the gauge of my heart, tilting empty. Anxious thoughts filling in the holes.
Where then are the gods you made for yourselves? Let them come if they can save you when you are in trouble! Jeremiah 2:28
Tumbling emotions … questions building … and all I can think is why? Questions, questions. My focus, inward.
Reading Simon Peter’s confession, His words grip me:
“But what about you?” he asked. “Who do you say I am?” Matthew 16:15
My focus moves out and seeks him.
Lord, draw near to me. I am weighted down with questions. Questions whose solutions are a trap of if only. Quieting my mind to ask the only one that matters: who do I say you are? In those answers, may I find peace.
Sixty-six books in a year 