“Aren’t two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them falls to the ground without your Father’s consent. But even the hairs of your head have all been counted. So don’t be afraid therefore; you are worth more than many sparrows.” (Matthew 10: 29-31, HCSB)
I have a lot of hair! And God, who pays particular attention to the tiniest of details, knows exactly how many hairs are on my head. That totally blows my mind!
On February 21, 2008, my husband and six kids were involved in a car accident that took the life of my husband. I knew these verses in my mind… I could quote Scripture about how God loves me; about how He knows everything about me; about how He works all things for good; about how He is sovereign. I really thought that I had God figured out. Boy, was I really wrong! While I had these concepts ingrained in my mind, I realized that there was a huge disconnect between my mind and my heart. My heart screamed, “Why, God? How could You allow this to happen? Was it something I did or didn’t do, God? Could I have prevented this somehow? God, don’t you love me?” I knew the truth. I knew the Scriptures. I had a solid foundation. But my heart just couldn’t hold on. This tragedy just didn’t make sense to me. I was swallowed up with grief and sorrow. Life lost its zeal. A dense fog clouded my head. On the outside I looked like I had it all together, but inside I was fighting a huge battle between darkness and light — between knowing the truth and truly embracing the truth. Thankfully God, in His great mercy, pulled me up out of the darkness. I am starting to feel alive again. I am beginning to see clearly. It’s okay to laugh and enjoy life. God knew that I needed to wrestle these things out. He knew that I would come back to Him. He knew that the TRUTH would set me free. I matter to Him. I am worth more than many sparrows. Sure, there are still bad days, dark days. But I really don’t have to be afraid. God does know me inside and out. He knows my thoughts before I even think them, and He loves me anyway! This security is such a great comfort. God holds my life in His hands. He can be trusted.
God, I praise You for Your Word which is alive and active. Forgive me for the times when I doubt and question Your sovereignty and love. Lord, You know the big picture. You are not only aware of the most minute details, but You truly care about them. Thank You that I matter to You and am worth more to You than many sparrows. Help me to cling tightly to You, to abide in You, to get to know You more. I love you, Jesus. Amen