Monday brought the unexpected. I couldn’t make sense of it. Scenarios were perplexing.
“I feel like I’m up against this invisible enemy,” I said to my husband. I explained what happened while he helped clear dishes. The invisible enemy, like an elephant in the room that no one discusses. I spoke of it hesitantly. It felt foreign.
And though I wasn’t trying to piece scripture into this puzzle of life, I felt myself craving the release I read of in Deuteronomy: wouldn’t it be so wonderful if sin and wrong-doing could be canceled like a seven-year-debt? Wouldn’t it be freeing to know there’s an end to grudges and slates could be wiped clean? Debt and poverty held new meaning. In a wealthy world, spiritual poverty cripples, emaciates, kills.
3 For my days vanish like smoke;
my bones burn like glowing embers.
4 My heart is blighted and withered like grass;
I forget to eat my food.
5 In my distress I groan aloud
and am reduced to skin and bones. Psalm 102:3-5 (NIV)
I am reminded of debt-free living. I am reminded of who nourishes and strengthens.
I will lead the blind by ways they have not known,
along unfamiliar paths I will guide them;
I will turn the darkness into light before them
and make the rough places smooth.
These are the things I will do;
I will not forsake them. Isaiah 42:16 (NIV)
There is no devil-dragon walking down my street this morning. Yet a battle ensues. Some days, I feel war weary. Spiritual warfare, sin, debt … awkward pairings in a world that doesn’t recognize them. But I do grasp there are movements greater than me: that gossip slays, grudges crush, that snubs and slights slash and tear, that unforgiveness festers and rots. An enemy, for sure, tries to force me down with burden upon burden so I will stumble, fail, under the weight of my own weakness.
“I am forgiven in Christ Jesus,” I whisper on a car ride to the store. I say it again. Is this how one gives it to God?
“They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony;” Revelation 12:11a (NIV)
Father, your word tells me who I am and what has been done on my behalf. I am a debtor, bankrupt in this world without you–running up charges in spite of myself, unable to repay on my own. I could not stand without you. You wipe slates clean; you give freedom to the slave; you do not crush the bruised, but give life–everlasting. I am so grateful.