Your wickedness will punish you; your backsliding will rebuke you. Consider then and realize how evil and bitter it is for you when you forsake the LORD your God and have no awe of me,” declares the Lord, the LORD Almighty. Jeremiah 2:19
Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. Matthew 16:24
Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalm 139: 23-24
- Do I deny myself and follow Christ and his purposes or forfeit my soul by embracing the gods of mere human concerns that satiate the senses – shiny red stilettos, mouthwatering chocolate chip cookies, the quest for the approval of men?
- Do I expect God to rescue me from the consequences and disgrace of seasons of sin?
- Do I turn the salvation message into pharisaical yeast by using the blood of Christ as a license to sin and feign innocence?
- Do I really think God doesn’t know exactly what is going on with me?
I weep with shame when I think about how foolishly I have behaved over the last several years. It’s like I have forgotten everything I learned over the last twenty years about who God is. In a quest to regain my lost youth, I have gotten lost in dissipation. None of this, of course has escaped God’s attention. There is no place I can hide from Him. He knows my every thought. I can’t plan anything that he doesn’t know already.
Life really is like the battles that Joshua and the Israelites fought. Without God’s constant direction and support, we will lose every time.
Lord, I am so sorry I attempted to live so schizophrenically, behaving like the world while claiming to be your disciple. Keeping my feet in two places at once is bound to tear me apart. Please forgive me. I am so like a sheep constantly going astray. Restore my life in Christ.