Jesus replied, “Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only can you do what was done to the fig tree, but also you can say to this mountain, ‘Go throw yourself into the sea,’ and it will be done. If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.” (Matthew 21: 21-22)
Sometimes in my mind I really believe that I have faith and don’t doubt Jesus. It’s easy to raise my hands in the air during worship, singing, “My life is Yours.” I say the words and feel them, but when I step back and take a look at my heart, I discover that I still really cling tightly to my life. I want what I want. I want my kids to be happy and healthy. I want to be comfortable and safe. I don’t want to go through any more struggles. I think that I really want to be in control, believing that I know what is best for me and my life.
This way of thinking is so counter to what Christ wants from me. In fact, letting go and truly releasing myself to God offers me incredible freedom. It frees me from the burden of worry. God is here and will never leave me. He promises that He has a plan for me, not to harm me, but to prosper me and give me a future and a hope. I know His truth. I can quote the verses. But, when I really strip away the outside, inside I find that I am scared to death to really let go.
How can I truly get to where I want to be in my relationship with Christ? The fact is, I long for a deep faith. I desire to have confidence in and complete trust in God. What I am discovering is that this is going to be a life-long journey. The more time that I spend time with Him, and the more I talk to Him, telling Him of my fears, the more I will begin to release control to Him.
Lord, I pray that You would help me to trust You more. I long to walk in step with You, completely letting go! Please help me to release control of the things to which I cling tightly. I love You, Jesus. Thank You that You love me, even with all of my faults and doubts.