Save me, God, for the water has risen to my neck. I have sunk in deep mud, and there is no footing; I have come into deep waters, and a flood sweeps over me. I am weary from crying; my throat is parched. My eyes fail, looking for my God. Psalm 69:1-3
As I read these verses, I can totally picture the desperation of the psalmist. He is clinging to the hope of God’s promises. His emotion is so raw, so authentic. I love how he pours his heart out in a cry to our Lord. I am so thankful that God, who created us with emotions, longs for us to share our hearts with Him. He wants us to be intimate with Him, sharing our thoughts and feelings. So often I shrink back from God, holding my emotions inside. I worry that if God knew what I was feeling or thinking that He would be disappointed in me. The ironic thing is, God already knows what I am feeling and thinking, and He loves me anyway!
For so long I was so afraid that God would abandon me if I was honest with Him. In fact, I would never have even dreamt of being angry with Him. I just couldn’t reconcile in my heart that it would be okay to be angry at God. I mean, He’s God. He can do whatever He wants. Being angry at Him or disappointed in Him was not an option for me. It took years of me spending time in His Word, growing closer to Him, building trust, for me to be able to get to the place where I felt comfortable being authentic with God. And sometimes, being authentic included being angry or disappointed. Reading the Psalms is such a great place to start. The authenticity that is modeled by the psalmists shows me that’s what God desires from me.
Thank You that You desire closeness from me. I praise You that You created me with emotion, and that I have freedom to express it to You. May I continue to draw near to You, sharing my heart openly with You. It is my tendency, Lord, to pull away at times. I pray that in those moments I would hear Your loving whisper to come to You. I love You, Jesus.