“I rise before dawn and cry out for help, I put my hope in Your Word. I am awake through each watch of the night to meditate on Your promise.” Psalm 119: 147-148
A couple of weeks ago, I was plagued with a bout of insomnia that nearly drove me crazy! There is nothing quite like being awake in the middle of the night, unable to sleep, watching the hours roll by on the clock, knowing that the time to wake is nearing quickly. Ugh! For me, it is the most lonely feeling, knowing that there is no one to talk to and share the insomnia with. The frustration of knowing that I should be asleep just fuels anxiety, keeping me wide awake. And, knowing that I will be tired during the day makes me feel completely defeated!
A couple of nights in, I decided that I was not going to let not sleeping bother me any more. If I slept, that would be great. If I didn’t sleep, oh well. Sure enough, I awoke at 2 am. I flip-flopped in my bed over and over trying to sleep. However, I did not panic or fret about being awake. I decided that I would use this time to recite verses and pray. I went through the list of anxiety verses that I had memorized over the past few years. Then I chose to meditate on the verse “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). I repeated this verse over and over in my mind. Eventually, it began to calm my spirit. I was crying out to God for rest, hoping in His promise that if I came to Him weary that He would give me rest. I didn’t necessarily fall asleep, nor did I necessarily sleep through the night the next night. But, God did come through. Even though I was awake through a chunk of the night, I was resting, not sleeping. I was resting in Him, in His promise. This was a sweet place to be. My heart was calm and at peace, and I did not feel so lonely.
I have been sleeping much better lately. But what I learned through this ordeal was that when I cry out to God, He hears me. His Word is Truth and provides hope to His people. What a great God He is!
Thank you that I can trust in Your Word and hope in Your promises. God, You never fail. You are absolute Truth. I am so grateful that You give a peace that surpasses all understanding, even in the midst of turmoil. Jesus, I love You. Amen.