I’m struggling with what to write this week. It’s not the first time, but, it is the first time I decided to lead with that hoping that as I ponder some of the verses that jumped out at me today something would come. The whole Vine and the branches passage is driving me somewhere, but, where, I don’t know.
I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. John 15:5
Perhaps it is as simple as it seems on the surface. Practice the disciplines (read the word, pray, serve, worship, etc.) but something tells me He’s speaking in that still, small voice right now. Am I really remaining in Him? Am I truly setting my heart, mind, and soul on the disciplines? Am I running the good race? Does having to ask myself these questions mean that I’m not.
I don’t think so. I can say that having this internal soliloquy just now made me realize (or more accurately, He made me realize) that the struggle I’m feeling is normal. If I ever start thinking that I’ve done enough, if I get too comfortable, I’m sunk. I could never do enough.
What’s really kind of cool, here, is that I also just realized that this isn’t me feeling guilty. Guilt is Satan’s tool. No, this is me feeling like I want to do more to to express my gratitude to Jesus for saving me. To God for forgiving my sins – for being my refuge – for loving me.
I like how Psalm 103 ends – with the four “Praise the lord…” stanzas. That’s what I’m feeling now – that I want to just praise Him for carrying me through this writing. For giving structure to my struggle. For loving me regardless of what I write. 🙂 Thank you God!!