…And the hearts of the people melted and became as water. Joshua 7:5b
Almost daily, I experience small crises of faith of some sort. My inner woman struggles to understand “why!?” certain things happen. My head evaluates my circumstances and tells me that the enemy has defeated me; I should turn tail and run to seek safety, throw up my defenses and retreat into myself. My heart wonders what I did to deserve the distress and frustration. I question why the world and everything in it seems to be against me. I lose confidence in myself and in God’s desire to help me and become as weak water in my fear and anxiety, I become depressed and hopeless.
Eventually, sooner or later, like Joshua, I lay myself at God’s feet. I beg for help. I beg for mercy. I ask Him to open my ears, open my eyes. I ask Him to reveal Himself and tell me where He is in the middle of all of it. I ask Him why.
Sometimes the explanation is that I am on the frontlines of a battle that is being waged by an enemy that has already failed his mission but is still fighting in his death throes. Curses and witchcraft are being hurled at me like fiery darts.
Sometimes the answer is that there is another new lesson to be learned, another test of my character put in front of me to grow. How will I respond in the situation? What will I take away from the experience? Who will I turn to? Where do I go?
Sometimes the ‘why’ has to do with my unconfessed sin, usually sins of attitude – judgment, bitterness, unforgiveness, etc. God tells me to get off my face, to consecrate myself to Him once more. When my sin is revealed to me, I need to be honest with myself, honest with God. I need to be like Achen and confess the evil that I have hidden in my heart, regardless of the consequences.
And he said to them, “Why were you looking for me? Did you not know that I must be in my Father’s house?” Luke 2:49
No matter what the response is, the solution is that I need to follow Jesus’ example and go to my Father’s house. Go to God to find forgiveness and mercy, to find comfort and peace, to find protection, to find wisdom and favor, to find the strength I so desperately need. Go to Him to find love.
Yesappa, I am feeling weak right now, frustrated by circumstances that feel out of my control. I feel alone and abandoned. I feel angry. I lay everything before you; I cast my cares and my burdens at Your feet. I ask for forgiveness for the sins in my heart. I ask for Your mercy to rain down on me. Protect me, Lord, from the assignments of the enemy; build a hedge around me. Give me wisdom and understanding so that I will grow in spirit and in truth and not be held back by ‘failed’ tests of character. Give me Your fruit so that people with see Your glory in me in the midst of trials. Help me Holy Ghost. In Jesus’ name. Amen.
Blessings – Julie (writing from Sholavandan)
Unless otherwise indicated, all scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.