You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;
you have loosed my sackcloth
and clothed me with gladness,
that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.
O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever! Psalm 30:11-12
People talk about ‘choice’ all the time. To put it simply a choice is an “act of selecting or making a decision when faced with two or more possibilities”. There are all sorts of things to choose on a daily basis and as an adult I make hundreds of choices each week.
Years ago, while struggling with depression I heard the story of the two wolves. I began to realize that I could choose which wolf I fed; I could determine how I perceived things. Before I was a believer, I worked very hard at choosing the positive, looking at the glass half full, and beating down the blues. I strived in myself, and though I did learn how to control the despair, it was still always lurking in the shadows.
When my brother died, I was thrust into a position where I had to make a lot of choices very quickly, choices that changed my life forever. I had only been actively walking with the Lord for about a year but I could still feel the tug of depression even despite hearing the loving words of the Father.
It always amazes me when I hear people blaming God for the bad things that have happened, turning their back on Him in the moments they need Him, His strength the most. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I would not have survived if it wasn’t for God giving me everything I needed every step of the way.
And, it started with a choice…
The night when I learned what had happened, I immediately laid my heart out in a new way to God, I made the choice to fully trust Him in the surreal journey I was headed into. I made the choice to press into His outstretched arms. I made the choice to obey His voice, His leading. I made the choice to praise Him!
I felt so strongly a calling to worship the Lord in the space where my brother died. I felt it was an opportunity to spiritually cleanse the space and invite God’s presence back in. I knew it was the chance to bless His name in the bad times, and not just in the good.
The next evening, I invited a small group of friends to come with me. We stood in a circle and began to sing worship songs. After a few moments I moved to the center, and I began to dance as David danced before the Ark of the Covenant. I poured myself out to the Lord. I gave him every bit of my being, every ounce of praise in my body. I felt the atmosphere of the room change; I felt the shift happen as God entered this tabernacle of worship.
I made the choice to lift up the name of the Lord. I chose to give thanks and sing praise in the midst of my grief. I chose to taste and see His goodness. As I honored Him, He honored me. He turned my mourning into dancing and clothed me with gladness. He gave me hope.
I still experienced the grieving process, but I had God’s arms around me. Through the difficulties of adjusting to life without my brother, He walked next to me and sometimes carried me. Even in the moments now, when sadness creeps in, He reinforces the hope I have that I will see him again in heaven.
And my heart chooses to praise the Lord!
Blessings – Julie (writing from Sholavandan)
Unless otherwise indicated, all scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Sixty-six books in a year 