45 “A faithful, sensible servant is one to whom the master can give the responsibility of managing his other household servants and feeding them. 46 If the master returns and finds that the servant has done a good job, there will be a reward. 47 I tell you the truth, the master will put that servant in charge of all he owns.” (NLT)
This past summer has been interesting to say the least. I feel like I am coming out of a season of loss. In the past three years I have lost a job I had for 23 years, my mother, an aunt, and my best friend. Then I felt God ask me to give up the ministry I had poured my heart into for six years. I couldn’t understand why at first, but I believe I do now. I believe He has been preparing me although not in a way I would have chosen. I have had to realize that my life is not about me but about Him. I say I surrender my life to Him, but I really want to hold tightly to the things of this world. He can’t use me when I do that because I am not free to go the direction He wants me to go. As He has taken some things away, I find He has placed more of Himself in their place. The choice is up to me—do I want to wallow in loss or join Him in the new thing He has for me? I choose to join Him!
With these losses came a supreme loss of purpose for my life. I found myself isolating and withdrawing; I did not know what I was supposed to do. I prayed and prayed but heard only silence. I realized I was building walls around my heart and prayed against them; I did not want a hardened heart. I continued to get up every day and go through the motions of living. In the mornings I would cry out to Him in my car as I drove to work. But God has His own timing and I had to wait. I just wasn’t sure what I was waiting for!
In the quiet times of meditation, I came to realize He was waiting for me to come to a place of contentment with my life, and my own self, just as it is—to that place where He is enough. It is what He requires of us.
I have been in a leadership role for many years. That in itself is His doing. I have never quite gotten over that because it is a most humbling place in my opinion. He has “given me the responsibility of managing his other household servants and feeding them.” When I read those verses in Matthew, they jumped off the page to me of purpose for my life. He spoke to me recently through my “Jesus Calling” devotional as well. To paraphrase, it said: I want you to teach others what I have been teaching you!
God has taught me so much since I took that step to believe. I really was a broken vessel. Before I accepted Jesus, I likened myself to a tree with its roots wrapped in burlap. I moved from place to place but never set any roots, nor did I grow. Then I decided it was time to plant myself in Him. This person has flourished since then—oh to the rest of the world they might not see it that way. And to be honest, I’m not sure I did either until I reached that place of contentment. God has grown me, watered me with living water, fertilized me with his truth, and pruned me when I had unproductive branches. Because of His great love, I want to tell others what He has done.
I think I must have learned what He wanted to teach me because He has entrusted me to “manage his other household servants and feed them” once again and is giving me that opportunity to feed His servants. I am excited and filled with joy to be able to serve Him in this way. As to the reward, He is our reward!
Heavenly Father, your patience brings me to my knees with gratitude. You love us more than we deserve. You lift our heads to look into Your beautiful face and look upon us with adoring eyes. Where else can we go for everything we need but to You. You are always there for us. You hold us when we cry, and cheer for us when we succeed. If we ask, you will teach us to live a better life. When we fall, you give us another day to try. Thank you. In Jesus name I pray, Amen