We are known deep down to the core of who we are. There is no escaping the presence of God. All attempts to crouch, cower and hide from his gaze and understanding are futile. Yesterday’s reading of Psalm 139 confirms this. We may fool others and ourselves, but God’s love is not content to leave us stuck in our delusion. C.S. Lewis in The Problem of Pain says:
“You asked for a loving God; you have one. The great spirit you so lightly invoked, the ‘lord of terrible aspect’ is present: not a senile benevolence that drowsily wishes you to be happy in your own way…but the consuming fire Himself, the Love that made the worlds…”
In Revelation, the early church’s sin is exposed by the Holy Spirit. I know that I am no different than those early believers. Is my sin revealed so that I might have a crisis of self esteem or bathe in a tub of self hatred? No, it is so that I might repent, leave sin behind and lean forward to take hold of God’s precious gifts. Sin doesn’t leave room for what is good and satisfying. After the initial buzz, it leaves me depleted and demanding more of that which never fills.
Like beautifully wrapped packages under the Christmas tree, God’s gifts await those who push past the pain and discomfort: “To him who overcomes, I will give some of the hidden manna.” God in his fierce love, longs for the emptiness within to be filled by Him. “I will also give him a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to him who receives it.” Revelation 2:17. God has something precious, something secret for each one of us to receive— our new name. There is a specificity and tenderness about this gift surprises me. But there it waits for me once I have given him the clutter and junk of my soul.
Lord show me the sin that gets in the way of loving you. Thank you that you don’t reject, but lead me to beautiful repentance. Thank you for the forgiveness and restoration provided by Jesus. What you long to give me is better than anything I can imagine. Open my eyes to what is true and protect me from distraction and wandering from you. Amen