Why am I so set in my ways and rely on myself? Even after years of trusting Jesus for my salvation and growing deeper and deeper in relationship with him, I still find my self-dependence remains one of my strongest qualities. Over and over I fail. I try again, succeed slightly and fail again. Start. Fail. Repeat. Etc. After some self-reflection I have realized a few interesting things about myself. One, I don’t often bring the Lord my issues and problems. Maybe I think they are too small or insignificant for him to be concerned with. Sometimes I think, “I got myself into this mess, it’s on me to get myself out of it”. It’s not that I think he can’t fix/heal something, it’s that I feel unworthy. And number two, I very easily and all too often forget what he has done for me…..without any help from me!
I forget my past and all the Lord has done for me and I forget his promises for my future. I forget that I can come to God empty handed. He can create where there was nothing and multiply the small. Thankfully, I realize that I am in good company. In my failures and inadequacies I can say, “But God!”.
Abraham attempts to fulfill God’s plan for him to become the Father many nations with his son Ishmael.
17 Then Abraham fell on his face and laughed and said to himself, “Shall a child be born to a man who is a hundred years old? Shall Sarah, who is ninety years old, bear a child?” 18 And Abraham said to God, “Oh that Ishmael might live before you!” 19 God said, “No, but Sarah your wife shall bear you a son, and you shall call his name Isaac.[f] I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant for his offspring after him. (Genesis 17)
Nehemiah was threatened repeatedly by his enemies and faced many trials during the building of the wall.
15 So the wall was finished on the twenty-fifth day of the month Elul, in fifty-two days. 16 And when all our enemies heard of it, all the nations around us were afraid and fell greatly in their own esteem, for they perceived that this work had been accomplished with the help of our God. (Nehemiah 6)
The disciples forgot the miracles Jesus performed with just a few resources.
8 But Jesus, aware of this, said, “O you of little faith, why are you discussing among yourselves the fact that you have no bread? 9 Do you not yet perceive? Do you not remember the five loaves for the five thousand, and how many baskets you gathered? 10 Or the seven loaves for the four thousand, and how many baskets you gathered? (Matthew 16)
Paul and Silas sat helplessly imprisoned.
25 About midnight Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners were listening to them, 26 and suddenly there was a great earthquake, so that the foundations of the prison were shaken. And immediately all the doors were opened, and everyone’s bonds were unfastened. (Acts16)
Dear Lord, as many times as I try to rely fully on you I still slip back in to my old ways. When I look back, I am always blown away by your presence and power in my life. Help me to remember the truth of your word; without you I am nothing, with you, all things are possible. Help others to see your mighty works in my life and come to you love you like I do! Amen.