Perseverence. Honor. Integrity. Faithfulness. Head-down; heart lifted-up. Goodness. Kindness. Justice.
Matthew 20 sparks heart-felt reflection for me. I find myself relating to the workers. I find myself, again, again. I am the long-suffering worker- feeling the deep burn of labor, and I am the one being blessed by lavish kindness and grace.
20 “For the kingdom of heaven is like a master of a house who went out early in the morning to hire laborers for his vineyard. 2 After agreeing with the laborers for a denarius[a] a day, he sent them into his vineyard. ESV
There are responsibilities in my life with a logical arrangement. X gets Y. Or, this work of faithfulness means that {end result; time commitment; personal labor; heart-work, etc, etc} The agreement is fair; it is just.
11 And on receiving it they grumbled at the master of the house, 12 saying, ‘These last worked only one hour, and you have made them equal to us who have borne the burden of the day and the scorching heat.’ 13 But he replied to one of them, ‘Friend, I am doing you no wrong. Did you not agree with me for a denarius? 14 Take what belongs to you and go. I choose to give to this last worker as I give to you. 15 Am I not allowed to do what I choose with what belongs to me? Or do you begrudge my generosity?’[b] 16 So the last will be first, and the first last.” ESV
I struggle to understand the kingdom dynamic of: the last will be first, and the first will be last- yet, I know it is true- and it speaks to me of such scandalous, lavish, outrageous grace- and I think of how I bend my back in heat and hardship- when, really, I am free– free to be; free to receive; free to walk in such generous favor and love. Undeserving. Miracle-working. I lift up my head.
I struggle with a back bending labor; with a labor of an agreed wage that weighs me down; that has me bearing the burden of the day and the scorching heat. Yet, in the end, as my heart struggles with what feels unfair- and like bondage, I have to realize- it is only the agreed upon wage. It is only what is justly due. And, it is my glory to bear that heat and that burden in humility and in peace.
I think there are times when I think I deserve more or better. When, in reality, I don’t- and the scorching heat is just a fair part of the deal.
My heart is tangled; the tangle encompasses several different spheres; yet, I can’t help but wonder if the root is actually all the same.
I don’t know how to untangle this heart of mine. I can’t make myself bear well. But, I can be small and quiet before Jesus. I can recognize that He is generous and kind. I can ask Him to help me find the places where He can make me first in His economy because of His love, generosity, and grace. I can invite others to do the same.
At the end of the day, when I am weary Lord, refresh me with Your grace. Amen.
Rebecca (offeringsbecca)
Sixty-six books in a year 