Depression can really wreck havoc in my life if I give it more reign than it deserves. It happens to the best of preachers who preach every Sunday and then have to face a depressed filled Monday.
My soul is in despair within me;
Therefore I remember You from the land of the Jordan
And the peaks of Hermon, from Mount Mizar. – Psalm 42:6 NASB
What makes me a bit unique is that I have become comfortable coming to God and giving Him my despair. It is like I am looking at my depression outside my body and reporting it and giving it to God. While most will turn and run away from God, hence the 60% of ministers who commit adultery, why hide the problem from Him? I love how the psalmist points the way to healthy boundaries and relationships. Of course, there are the days where even when I run to God, somehow I do not sense He is there.
I will say to God my rock, “Why have You forgotten me?
Why do I go about mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?” – Psalm 42:9 NASB
Notice how I still call God my rock – my place of security, stability and strength? At the same time I am honestly bringing my feelings to God even though it looks like He might have forgotten me.
Yet Gideon said to them, “I would request of you, that each of you give me an earring from his plunder.” (For they had gold earrings, because they were Ishmaelites.) – Judges 8:24 NASB
I know that I want the Holy Spirit to directly speak to me – not through emotion-filled revivals – just to know that He is there. When I do not wait for Him, I will begin to neglect the simple things He has asked me to do, like worship. Other things begin to fall by the wayside too, like prayer and church fellowship. Reading the Scriptures might seem boring and humdrum some days but it is better than creating something more flashy and exciting, like an ephod. I have to be in a place where I trust that God knows what He is doing.
Gideon made it into an ephod, and placed it in his city, Ophrah; but all Israel committed infidelity with it there, and it became a snare to Gideon and his household. – Judges 8:27 NASB
When my life get this bad, when idolatry has messed with my heart, how many people do I take down with me? I think that my relationship with God is like a marriage. Why is my relationship with God so important, why does it demand all of my life? If my walk with God is truly marital in nature, what sort of husband would brush it off if his wife kept multiple lovers? I cannot sluff off my covenant relationship with God – it is a marriage. It is up to me to decide how holy and pure it will be.
Father, Thank You for taking all of my despair into Your hands. If I keep it, I will be destroyed.