There are times in my life when I either act like Jesus is not around or actually do not feel His presence. When I act like He is not around, I am usually doing something that I want to do and do not wish to discuss with Him His thoughts on the matter. When I sense His presence not near me, I look for Him. It is a weird feeling sometimes when He does not engage.
I wonder how the disciples felt when Jesus rose from the dead and they had a bit of a distant relationship with Him. There was this real thing about Him having to ascend first before He engaged with them too much – He shared this thought with Mary. He did not see them that often or that regularly.
This was now the third time that Jesus was revealed to the disciples after he was raised from the dead. – John 21:14 ESV
In this space of some awkwardness, the promise of the Holy Spirit who would always be with them, mattered most. Of course, we have that same promise.
In my imagination I cannot but help feel how alone Job must have felt. This is what he says —
After this Job opened his mouth and cursed the day of his birth. – Job 3:1 ESV
I do not talk about suicide a lot because I do not know the pain, but it sounds awful when you look at your life and decide that you no longer matter. That is why I like the Christmas movie, It’s a Wonderful Life.” We see both sides of the coin and I am glad that we have the Holy Spirit as part of our life these days.
David found the cure for His loneliness with God – worship. I sense many of us do, including myself.
My heart is steadfast, O God!
I will sing and make melody with all my being. – Psalm 108:1 ESV
In fact, after a time of meditation, repentance and worship, I find that whatever I was going through, having placed that into God’s hand, I sense my relationship with Him back on track.
Father, thank you for sending the Holy Spirit to reside in me and who calls me to walk with You. I am pretty sure that in my moments when I think I am alone, those times could make me express my life like Job. However, because of You, I can express my life more like David – I am so thankful for that. Jesus, I know that I spend too much time away from You. May may heart be more sensitive to Your calling and may I let my heart seek You always. Thank you for caring and loving me so much. Amen