Nehemiah 9-11; Acts 4:1-22

I’ve been thinking of my mom lately. She’s been dead half my life, and I barely knew her outside of her being a mother. I couldn’t tell you what her favorite ice cream was, her favorite book, or what the perfect day would be for her. I didn’t know what things she struggled with, what were her hopes or fears. Half a life later, I have moved on, becoming a wife and mother myself. I don’t even remember the sound of her voice. She is a mystery and a stranger aside from childhood memories.

The book had been on my shelf at least half a year. I’d had lots of intentions to read it, and recently my schedule opened up to a now-or-never opportunity. It changed everything. It happened in chapter two: daring to confess. Because of a few well-worded questions, I began to see a remarkable parallel between my mother and me. I began to see so many components of sin and wounding passed down through generations. I had inherited more than her hearty laugh.

In Nehemiah 9, the subhead reads: the people confess their sins. In their praise and worship of God, they go back through the generations and account for sins and God’s merciful response to them as a people.

¹⁶ “But our ancestors were proud and stubborn, and they paid no attention to your commands. ¹⁷ They refused to obey and did not remember the miracles you had done for them. Instead, they became stubborn and appointed a leader to take them back to their slavery in Egypt! But you are a God of forgiveness, gracious and merciful, slow to become angry, and rich in unfailing love. You did not abandon them …” Nehemiah 9:16-17, NLT.

This reminder seemed so timely, and full of hope. How much closer I become to the Lord when I lay it all before him, ugly and honest. He already knows anyway.

No matter how long I’ve carried it, nothing is impossible for God.

For everyone was praising God ²² for this miraculous sign—the healing of a man who had been lame for more than forty years. Acts 4:21b-22, NLT.

Father God, I’m thankful for your gentle revealing of the hidden places of my heart. Thank you for bringing to light issues and attitudes I wasn’t aware I kept alive. Thank you that you are gracious and merciful, slow to become angry and rich in unfailing love. You won’t abandon me either. You continue your work in me, to fashion me into the image of your son. For me to accomplish this on my own? Likely impossible. But nothing is impossible for you.

Courtney (66books365)

(I purchased Forgiving Our Fathers and Mothers by Leslie Leyland Fields and Dr. Jill Hubbard. This blurb acts to satisfy some FTC rules about book reviews/mentions. I wasn’t compensated to read or recommend this book. The link provided is not an affiliate link and I will not receive credit of any sort through it.)

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Ezekiel 37,38,39; 2 Peter 2

We became dog people this year, adding a 3-5 year old rescued foxhound named Nella to our family.

She sheds. She doesn’t know a single command. And on the occasion I witnessed her eat her own vomit, I’m sure my face reflected a bit of disgust and horror. Because that is just gross.

Nella, however, didn’t seem bothered by it.

For you are a slave to whatever controls you. ²⁰ And when people escape from the wickedness of the world by knowing our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and then get tangled up and enslaved by sin again, they are worse off than before. ²¹ It would be better if they had never known the way to righteousness than to know it and then reject the command they were given to live a holy life. ²² They prove the truth of this proverb: “A dog returns to its vomit.” And another says, “A washed pig returns to the mud.” 2 Peter 2:19b-22 NLT.

I remember reaching a point in my walk with the Lord where I felt frustrated and discouraged by my own sin. There were days I felt it would be way easier if I hadn’t known of a different life. But I knew too much to ever go back and be comfortable.

Because to know the Lord and then get tangled up and enslaved by sin again certainly feels worse off than before.

Impatience, jealousy, or anger sometimes flare up in me without warning. And I gobble it up much like my dog, ingesting sin before I can muster the thought, “Did I just eat that?” Other sin is much more calculated–a gazing at vomit, if you will, and choosing to dine on it. A repulsive image. These I do try to avoid.

On Pinterest, I saw a pin of a quote that read, “Instead of using ‘I’m human’ as a reason to walk in the flesh, try using ‘I’m saved’ as a reason to walk in the Spirit.”

I want to put this on the fridge somewhere. Perhaps next to the picture of my dog.

God, thank you for grace, your desire to change me daily, and the opportunities you give me to grow closer to you. Please show me the things that control me so I can be free from them.

Courtney (66books365)