Tag Archives: wounding

Psalm 62-64; Romans 1

You are not worth fighting for.

That is the message the enemy sends to me. In a Bible study by Angela Thomas, in the unexpected chapter of the undermining messages we hear, this is the one that shouted at me in all-caps fury. Suddenly things past and present were punctuated with the thought: you are not worth fighting for.

It emerged with new voice from the years of (his) silence.

It smiled from (her) face the day she let the door shut in mine.

It was made plain over coffee when (one) said as much, “I won’t fight your battle.”

It whispered at me through every dangling text, canceled plan, empty promise.

That first winter, I walked trash cans down the driveway. It was night, and it was windy and cold. Our driveway is longer under those conditions. I looked up at the stars and spoke to God about all the things that were going wrong. That year, I was introduced to Psalm 62 in a study on David. It was waiting for me today.

Let all that I am wait quietly before God,
    for my hope is in him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
    my fortress where I will not be shaken.
My victory and honor come from God alone.
    He is my refuge, a rock where no enemy can reach me.
O my people, trust in him at all times.
    Pour out your heart to him,
    for God is our refuge. Psalm 62:5-8, NLT

An enemy’s message still surfaces from the most unlikely sources. It is met this morning with an eternal truth, interestingly enough, over coffee.

When one is silent, He speaks. When one door is closed, He holds open the other. When one won’t stand with me, He is a refuge where no enemy can reach. When one tells me I’m not worth the effort, time–God is there. He says He’s got time for me.

He tells me I’m worth it.

God fights for me. My victory and honor come from him.

What does the enemy tell you?

More importantly, what does God have to say about it?

Lord, thank you for never leaving my side. Thank you for fighting for me. Help me to be aware of the messages I send to others. I don’t ever want my voice to be that of an enemy.

Courtney (66books365)

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Filed under 66 Books, Bible in a year reading plan, ESV Through the Bible in a Year

Psalm 36-37; Acts 23:1-11

I never imagined how this event would mark my life. When the Lord put it on our hearts to move, it was supposed to be a happy time. Wow, I don’t know how many times I’ve said that–it was supposed to be happy. What we took as a step of faith actually was the tipping block for a domino effect of loss, betrayal and wounding. It is three years later, and I often refer to life as before and after.

There’s a familiarity in psalm 37, verses that call out specifically and full of detail. When I read them, my heart responds.

23 The Lord directs the steps of the godly.
    He delights in every detail of their lives.
24 Though they stumble, they will never fall,
    for the Lord holds them by the hand. Psalm 37:23-24, NLT

I feel his delight in every detail of my life: from the captain’s bell, a fence and trees for my kids to climb, berries along the perimeter of the yard, to the crazy-amazing scent of the field when I cut the grasses, the lush sound of wind through treetops, the woodland song of owls, crows, hawks.

photo collage ps 37

It is not lost on me that he would use a garden as a place for healing.

I’ve had to let go of a lot of things in these years, but God has filled me up with new things. New friendships, new experiences, new opportunities. I read these verses today with a grateful heart–grateful for a God who holds my hand, even when I stumble. And he will not let go.

Courtney (66books365)

Listening to Phillips, Craig and Dean Tell Your Heart to Beat Again.

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Filed under 66 Books, Bible in a year reading plan, ESV Through the Bible in a Year